Reasons not to get a dog. Or to get a dog, depending on your preferences.

[pseudomonas]

(18:44:48) [redacted]: nooooooo fml
(18:44:52) pseudomonas: ?
(18:44:58) [redacted]: dog
(18:45:06) pseudomonas: ?
(18:45:06) [redacted]: her new favourite place to be during quickie sex
(18:45:11) [redacted]: is between [boyfriend]'s knees
(18:45:16) pseudomonas: hahahaha
(18:45:22) [redacted]: I thought the furry thing between my leg was HIS leg
(18:45:40) ***pseudomonas is cracking up here
(18:45:47) [redacted]: so not only have I just had sex with a dog's nose up my arsecrack, I now have a dog with jizz on her back
(18:46:17) pseudomonas: laughing too much. worried going to be sick
(18:47:47) pseudomonas: did you wash the dog?
(18:47:52) [redacted]: she doesn't like being washed
(18:48:12) [redacted]: I sort of wiped it a bit and she tried to bite me so I thought bugger that
(18:48:18) [redacted]: she can be a jizzy dog for all I care
(18:48:37) pseudomonas: what does [boyfriend] think about all this?
(18:48:39) [redacted]: she'll probably drive herself potty in the next few hours trying to twist herself round so she can lick it off
(18:48:48) [redacted]: HE KNEW SHE WAS THERE BUT HE DIDN'T WANT TO STOP
(18:49:13) pseudomonas: you might need to shut the door sometimes
(18:49:31) [redacted]: if you shut her out she scratches and whines and barks
(18:49:45) pseudomonas: so you have to let her join in?
(18:49:55) [redacted]: the trick is to give her a chewy, which she takes off to the other side of the bed
(18:50:04) pseudomonas: still, it counts as a threesome, so well done there
(18:50:15) [redacted]: but the bedroom stash of chewies hasn't been refilled
(18:50:22) [redacted]: things we need for sex: rawhide chews

.

(Yes, I got the consent of [redacted] to post this.)

Comments

[andrewducker]

That is _amazing_. I laughed a _lot_.

[tigerfort]

Snerk. :)

[cheekbones3]

Happily, our dogs aren't interested in such behaviour. If either of us started howling, it might be a different story...

[hatam_soferet]

metaquotes...